La La La...Here it is!

In keeping with the light-hearted mood, I thought I would share one of my favorite memories from growing up. I’ll count this as one of my 20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. I’ll have to give a little background info so that those of you who weren’t there or aren’t familiar with my past will understand a little bit more. I’ll try to give the highlights on that part, but I do feel like it is important, so bare with me.

A large chunk of my childhood was spent in the Columbus, GA/Phenix City, AL area. We lived in AL but attended school and church in GA. My dad was on staff at Edgewood Baptist in Columbus and my mom taught school at Christian Heritage Academy (both of which we attended). Edgewood was a very traditional Baptist Church – hymns, full choir, orchestra, dresses, suits, etc. Looking back, I know that the church was very conservative, but I think the time had some to do with that as well. Churches were different than they are now. Most Baptist churches were more conservative, or maybe I was just sheltered and thought they were all the same. Either way – Edgewood was conservative.

Our pastor Bro. David was one of the sweetest and most tenderhearted men. He could get up and go while he was preaching, but for the most part he was pretty chill and quiet. I’m not going to guess his age while we were there, because I feel like I’d be way off. He always seemed kind of old to me, but I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that he was one of my best friend’s granddad. Now that I am older, people seem younger and younger!! J

Edgewood was a pretty big church. I’m not talking huge mega church, but several hundred people on a regular basis. As you can imagine, with a crowd that large, there was a big variety of people – old, young, families, singles, different races, different backgrounds, etc. Even though it was big, most everyone knew pretty much everyone else. I can assure you though, that pretty much everyone that went to church there or school at CHA (it was at our church) knew one person – Martha. If they didn’t know her personally, I promise they knew ABOUT her. She was commonly referred to as “The Martha”.

 

 

Martha was a very unique individual. Truthfully, I have a hard time deciphering fact and fiction when I think back on what I know about her. Word on the street was she had been in the military and was a little off because of it. It was rumored that her husband left her on their honeymoon – can’t vouch for that 100% but I always remember that being said of her. She was, as “they” say, a very portly woman, and she kept very short military-like hair. She cussed, which was a big deal to us especially since she did it at church. She drove a truck with a camper top that was always filled with junk in the back. The entire back and sides of her truck were covered in bumper stickers. She referred to herself as THE HEAD and even had it put on the back bumper of her car.

 

 

That, my friends, is Brad Parker - my childhood crush! I thought he was the best looking guy there ever was. Seriously, if I had a dime for every time the words "Brad Parker" came out of my mouth, neither David nor I would have to work right now! I also thought he was so brave and funny for taking this picture and having it put in the yearbook. That's right...in the YEARBOOK...Classic!!

I'd love to say that I'll tell you lots more about him on another post, but I'm not sure about that one. It may happen, but since he and I are both married now (frowny face on his part, smiley face on mine) I don't know that I should go back into those old days. I never know where we are going to go in Reb's World, so hang on...you may hear about him later. We'll just have to see.


Back to the story...

Another important thing to know about The Martha is that she didn’t particularly care for Bro. David. I don’t know the full history on that, but I do know that much is true.

Ok, so that’s kind of the background. You’ve got the setting (Edgewood Baptist Church) and the key characters in the story (Bro. David and The Martha). Those of you that know this story should already be laughing at this point. Those of you that don’t…hang on…It gets better from here!

My parents usually made us sit with them or a friend’s parents on Sunday mornings, but on Sunday nights, the youth always sat in the back corner of the sanctuary. That’s where we were sitting on this particular Sunday night. The service had already begun. Bro. David was at the pulpit speaking. From the congregation, a few rows from the front, The Martha stood up and started yelling at and cussing out Bro. David. She was yelling so loud that everyone in the sanctuary could hear her.

As you remember, this is a conservative church. We didn’t stand up and yell. There was no speaking in tongues. There was none of that.

As you can imagine, all of us in the “youth corner” were fighting back laughter. We thought it was hilarious, but at the same time, we were almost afraid. Church shootings weren’t as prevalent as they are now, but I won’t lie and say that probably didn’t cross all of our minds. No one really knew what The Martha was capable of, especially when she was that mad!

Bro. David remained very calm and began to rebuke her in the Name of the Lord. Again, this was a conservative church, no one that did stuff like that on a regular basis. This wasn’t a crazy run around, rebuking, and passing out kind of church. That added to the mood as well because no one really knew what to do. Bro. David asked everyone to kneel and join him as we prayed for her. Looking back, I’m sure this was just an attempt to get everyone to close their eyes so some of the deacons and staff could escort her out of the service.

While we were on our knees, one of the girls in the youth group came walking in to the sanctuary. She, obviously, had no idea what was going on. About as soon as she walked in, a friend of hers whisper-yelled, “Sharlene, get down!” Not knowing what was going on, and being afraid of what might happen if she didn’t, she threw her Bible and journal up in the air and hit the deck. I’m talking belly down, flat on the floor, hit the deck. She then proceeded to Army crawled down the aisle and over to her friend to ask what was going on. Kate explained to Sharlene that The Martha was cussing out Bro. David. Although she was confused, she was a bit relieved because she thought a gunman or someone like that was in the building!

After The Martha was escorted out of the sanctuary, Bro. David ended his prayer; we returned to our seats; and the service continued like nothing had happened.

Nothing had happened...yeah right!! From then on, everyone talked about the time that The Martha cussed out Bro. David during Church!!!

You may not see this as hilarious, but to those of us that were there and those of us that know The Martha, it is more than hilarious! I literally could tell you story after story about The Martha and about Edgewood, but this one is seriously my absolute fav!

**I’m so proud of myself for sliding Brad Parker into Reb’s World. He was, in fact, a HUGE part of my younger life. Score!!**