Story

I have got to pass a story along. It is too good not to! I am sure you all will thoroughly enjoy it, and I hope that you laugh as much I as I did.

This is from the blog HaHasforHooHas. Based on the title, you can tell that her blog is pretty funny and mostly about or relating to women. 

She posts a lot of those ecards, which I LOVE! You have to be careful with them though. Most of them are HILARIOUS, but most of them are either inappropriate or use foul language. I hate coming across those on Pinterest, because, although they are hilarious and most of my "followers" would enjoy the message of it, I can't pin them for the sake of the other "followers" that would not be able to get passed the bad stuff. So...my sisters and I screen shot most of them and text them to each other. Seriously, half of my texts from Bor especially are these ecards. We do it out and back all day. I LOVE IT!!! Most of them come through a "just the right time" and I love that my sisters are able to sense when I need a pick-me-up! 

At the risk of being "Rebecca Lynn-ed", I'll tell you my new favorite one. 
It said, "If you were a cookie, you'd be a Whoreio!"  bahahaha!!!

Ok, back to the story...Just the title alone should make you want to read it. If is called "The Fart That (Almost) Altered My Destiny." I mean, really, how could you not want to read that?!

Click the link (above) and enjoy!!

You're How Old?!

BL has overheard convos about us moving to our new place. The other day she asked me how we were getting settled and then gave me some tips about decorating using Goodwill and Yard Sales. After her HGTV Home Decorating Advice, she asked me, “How old are you? About 19? 21?” I mean, I know I look good and have aged with grace, but do I seriously look like I’m 19?! I haven’t been 19 in almost 10 years!!

One the girls from our downtown office came to help out today. She was having an issue with her allergies and one of her eyes was watering. She had a tissue that she was using to blot her eye. After showing BL something on her computer, she accidently left her tissue lying on the desk. BL asked, “Is that your tissue there? Do you need a clean one? That one probably has germs on it.” I’m sure that tissue had some germs on it, but I’m also sure that I wouldn’t have ever said anything like that!

Nurse BL shared with us that she takes Fish Oil tablets twice a day – morning and evening. She told us that it lubricates behind the eyes as well as other areas. I’m not sure about you, but I don’t what to know what “other areas” she was referring to!

When we first met BL, she mentioned that she was certified in Reflexology and does foot massages. Jokingly (since I HATE people touching my feet) I said, “Well, you won’t ever be messing with my feet.” She got really serious and said, “Oh, no, I can’t do that here. As long as I’m on hospital grounds, I am only doing hospital work. I know that I’ve got to keep those separate.”

Yesterday, she mentioned that before her car broke down, she rented a booth at the Jockey Lot and to do foot massages. That is wrong on so many levels!! I would not EVER want her to mess with my feet – even if I didn’t mind people touching my feet. I have also been to the Jockey Lot and wouldn’t want to touch anybody that shops there’s feet! If for no other reason, they have been walking around on those dirty floors probably for hours! UGH!!

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

Yesterday was another BL day.

Based on all the car troubles from the previous weeks, we weren’t sure how she was going to get to work or if she was going to come, for that matter. Right around 11, however, I saw the Green Cube pulling up. The Employee Parking Lot by our office was full, so she had to park further away than normal. A few minutes later I saw BL walking across the parking lot. This time she wasn’t sporting the ole pink or flowered hat. Nope, she was under a bright green umbrella with her red suitcase trailing behind. Let me take this moment to point out – it was NOT raining. The sun was shining bright above. I’m guessing she was thinking A. her umbrella was a parasol and 2. people still carry parasols. Either way, both were false!

I’m not going to lie to you; I had a hard time yesterday with any amount of extra patience. Every time that we work together I hit my breaking point, but it seemed to break a little earlier than normal yesterday! Call me crazy, but I am not a huge fan of answering the SAME question OVER and OVER especially when I’ve told her to write it down in her handy dandy notebook! I’m also not a fan of her responses when I point out that she’s asking the same things over and over! When she gets overwhelmed or can tell that I’m frustrated with her, she’ll say one of two things EVERY TIME. A. “I just need to get something to eat. I’m so hungry that I can’t concentrate.” or 2. “I really need to go to the bathroom.” I’m not lying; I have heard both of those several times! Both have the same affect on me – they TICK me off!! Yesterday, I called her on both of them! Those are STUPID excuses that can EASILY be remedied! That should have nothing to do with your ability to work or remember something that we just talked about minutes before!!

Can’t you see why my patience dwindles so quickly?!

At the end of the day, one of the ladies that comes by a few times a week to pick up some paperwork stopped by. Her father recently passed away, and she was letting us know how her kids were doing since we all know them. BL looked at her and said that when she is sad or having a hard time, she always eats a Lindt Chocolate Bar and that makes everything better. Really, BL?! A candy bar is going to make the pain of losing a parent unexpectedly all better?! The lady kind of looked at her and said, “Um, yeah, I’ll have to keep that in mind,” and kept talking about the kids. BL said, “Yeah, Lindt, L-I-N-D-T. You can get a 95, 85 or even 65. They’re all good.” I’m thinking at this point that she was referring to the cocoa content, but I don’t think our friend caught on to that. BL went on to say that she couldn’t eat them very often because she would *holds hands out like a sumo wrestler while filling cheeks with air* swell up. As if she isn’t already “swelled up”!! 

Really, y’all?! Who does things like this?!

Well, that’s all I’ve got for today. I was unable to see much of what she did yesterday as comical since my patience was running low. Tomorrow should be a good day though! D is out of town (moving her baby boy into his college dorm *tear!). One of the girls from our “sister office” is coming to work with me. She will be working my job while I work D’s which means she will get stuck with BL in the afternoon. I will get to be D and look on while laughing! I kind of can’t wait!!

More stories to come…

Bag Lady Stories

Now for a few stories…

• The very first day that The Bag Lady worked with us, she took a potty break. Thankfully, I was in the back of the office when she came back to the front, so she confided all of this in D instead of me. She told D that she thought she had broken the toilet seat. Her stomach had been hurting since she was so nervous about her first day. After she lined the toilet seat with TP, she sat down, and *WOOSH*!! Something happened and she was pretty sure the seat was broken. She said that it was just nervous gas. (As in…her nervous gas was so strong it blew her sideways on the toilet, and she broke the lid. As in…no more going to the bathroom that afternoon!) It didn’t stop there…she then turned around and asked D to make sure she didn’t have TP hanging out of her pants. She said she had done that before and was really embarrassed so she always tries to get someone to check for her now. Keep in mind, this is the SECOND time that we have ever met her!!!

• There is a place during the registration process that asks if the patient has a Living Will. We have been told that it is more for inpatient registration than for outpatient, so we don’t have to ask our patients that question. Oh, no, not The Bag Lady. She thinks that because they talked about it in her training class that she HAS to ask EVERY SINGLE PERSON. Two situations in particular were quite hilarious. When she asked one man if he had a living will, he replied, “Yes, ma’am, I do. Do you have one?” The Bag Lady hung her head in shame then said, “No, Sir. I really need to take care of that though.” He got a big kick out of that! When she asked one lady about it, the lady asked what a Living Will was. At this point, most people would assume that if you didn’t know what it was, you probably didn’t have one. Again…not The Bag Lady. She looked this woman in the face and said (quite loudly, I might add), “If you were to die today in the clinic, do you have plans for that?” The lady looked A. Confused and 2. Terrified.  At this point, I stepped in, told the lady not to worry…we were not planning on anyone dying in our office and told BL =to put “No” in the slot. We have all tried to explain to her that it is not necessary to ask that question to the patients, but she still does it. We haven’t had any more “near death experiences” but it is still quite uncomfortable every time!

• One afternoon it was smoking hot in our office. Our vents are on the ceiling so I had to get our handy dandy stick to open it. After the air started flowing, The Bag Lady asked me if the cold air ever bothered my Arthritis. I said, “Huh?” She replied, “You know, when you get cold, does it hurt your joints?” I just looked back at her, I’m sure with a not so nice look on my face, and said, “Um, I don’t think so.” She then asked me if it started to bother her, could I just close it so the air didn’t blow on her. I just shook my head and said, “Sure.”

• The Bag Lady asked if David cooked dinner for me when he was off work. I laughed and told her, ”No”, and that I did most of the cooking. She asked me if I cooked a lot. I told her I did. Then she asked what was “on the menu” that night. When I told her Eggplant Parmesan, she said, “Wow! Y’all must eat really healthy!”…Yes, FRIED eggplant over PASTA is definitely HEALTHY!! I guess I do like her way of thinking!

•  Bag Lady told me about a friend of hers that had a 500lb pig named Honker. She said he was the sweetest pet pig. One day, he got too far in the pond while trying to cool off and couldn’t get out. Since he weighed 500lb no one was able to go in and get him. They just had to watch as he drowned. She said it was really hard on all of them. REALLY?!

•            On one of the first days that The Bag Lady was working with us, we were both working on our computers. This is the conversation…
  BL: “So, I click on this here, right?!”
  Me: “I’m working on something right now. If you’ll give me just a second I’ll help you.”
  BL: “And then I click on this, right?!”
  Me: “I’m almost finished. Give me just a second, and I’ll help you.”
  BL: “I click on this, right?!”
  Me (running out of patience): “Bag Lady, (That sounds funny! I really didn’t call her that, I called her by her real name, but the sake of this, there it is!) I am working on something right now. I will be glad to answer any of your questions if you will just give me a minute.”
  BL (looking shocked): “Oh! I wasn’t talking to you. I was just talking to myself out loud.”
  Me: *in my head* REALLY?!
  About half an hour later this conversation happened…
  BL: “I click on this here, right?!”
  Me: *silence*
  BL: “Right here, I click on this, right?!”
  Me: *silence*
  BL: *taps on my desk* “Um, I’m asking you something. Can you just look over here and help me?”
  Me (completely out of patience by this point): “Bag Lady, I’m having a really hard time distinguishing between when you are talking to me and talking to yourself!”
  BL: “Oh, I guess that is kind of confusing, huh?”

• I have (had) a purple pen. It is one of those sharpie like marker pens. When I know that someone is coming to work with us, I hide the pen behind some notes on my computer. I do this on Tuesdays and Thursdays also. Last week, The Bag Lady found said pen and started using it when I was at lunch. When I returned to my desk, she held up the pen and said, “I really like this pen. Is it yours?” In my head I’m thinking, “Seriously? Is it mine? Of course it is mine. You found it on my desk, hidden behind some papers!” Instead of saying all that, I just shook my head Yes. She said, “I’ve been using it on all my stuff. I think I’ll just use it today. That’s ok, right?” Really?! What was I going to do? I just rolled my eyes, shrugged and went about my business. This week, while on the phone with her supervisor, she found the pen again. She held it up and said, “I really like this pen. I’m just going to put it in my box. That’s ok, right? I just like whenever I write with it, it just POPS!” I just stared at her. “Is it yours?” Again…REALLY?! Is it mine?! I’m thinking I’m about to smack her! Not even trying to mask my frustration, I said, “Yes, it is mine, but do whatever you want with the pen. I don’t even care anymore.” She turned and put the pen in her box and carried on with her conversation.

• Speaking of phone conversations, one day she called a patient to get some information from her. First of all, she didn’t introduce herself as calling from the doctor’s office. She just said who she was like they were best friends. Then in mid sentence, we hear, “What’s that? Are those your dogs? Oh, how many do you have? What kind are they? I love dogs. I have some of my own. Oh, I just needed to get the fax number to your office so I can send that work note. Oh! Is everything ok? I hear them barking in the background. Are you alright? Ok, well, thanks for the number. I’ll send that over.”

Just Me?!

Is it just me or can anyone else relate to this?!

The other day when I was changing my clothes, I turned to David and said, "Did you know these are the underwear that I wore on our wedding day?!"

At first, this was a comforting thought - awe...what a super special day. Then, it was a discomforting thought - we have been married for almost 8 years and I still have these!

So I ask...is it just me or do some of y'all have unders from that long ago?!
(*please say you do, so I feel less awkward about this!!*)

Don't get me wrong...those aren't my only pair, and I've bought more since then. They are just good quality VS unders that are still in good condition - no holes, so rips, no fading, no stains.

J

It's ok to still wear unders from 8 years ago, right?!

New Girl

D and I have a new co-worker. She works with us part time – Tues and Thurs afternoons. That’s good, since that’s about all we could handle of her anyways! She isn’t a BAD co-worker, but she is a WEIRD one…really weird! I’m foreseeing this being an on-going post with updates as they happen, so sit back and enjoy the ride! 

For the sake of privacy, let’s call her “The Bag Lady”. Why The Bag Lady, you may ask. Well, let’s see…that’s where we can begin… 

For the first two weeks, she brought a large tote bag with her to work every day. I don’t know what all was in the bag, but so far we have seen a blanket, lunch bag, water bottles (to “wet her lips”), notebooks, and jacket to name a few things. After those two weeks, she moved up to a rolling suitcase. When we asked about the suitcase, she told us the bag was getting too heavy for her shoulder. She was tired of walking around like “Fred Sanford”. *I really wish I could demonstrate her imitation of Fred slumped over and limping…you’ll just have to imagine it!* I’m not talking about a small carry-on. It’s at least the medium sized suitcase in a set. Red with black polka-dots.

 The Bag Lady's suitcase, pocketbook, flower hat

That’s the background on the name, here’s a little background on her. The Bag Lady is in her mid 40’s. She is short and round (particularly round in the rear, if you know what I mean). She typically wears hats to work. I’m talking bright pink straw hats with a pig pin on the front. She has been trading out the pink pig hat for a tan straw hat with large fake flowers glued to it. I, personally, like that one best. Thankfully, she does take them off after she gets here, but it is a sight to behold coming through the front door! She lives about 45 minutes away from our office – yes, and only works two half days a week…I know!! When I asked her if she had any kids, she quickly responded, “I have 4 dogs, 2 cats, and a bird.” At this point, D sent me a text that said, “Polly want a cracker?!” (That’s the bad thing about D…she sits at a desk behind us and can laugh about everything without getting caught. She also sends me random texts like this that make me laugh and get me in trouble!)

 Bag Lady on her arrival to the office. She looks like a tourist with that suitcase and hat!

On her first visit to meet us, she was very concerned about getting the necessary shots to work around kids. She was a bit concerned when we told her the only shots we get are flu shots, and none of us did that before they made it mandatory last year. She also questioned us up and down about what we do when it snows. (Yes, we met her in mid-June…again, I know!!) She asked if there were places to stay here at work if we weren’t able to get home because of the weather. I don’t know about you, but it will have to be BAD weather before I get stuck at work and can’t get home!!! 

This is a good time to tell you about her car. At some point between visiting us for the first time and actually coming to work, her car broke down. I’m not exactly sure what the problem is, but apparently it is not drivable right now. As previously mentioned, she lives about 45 minutes from the office. For the first 3 weeks, she had a girl that she met in one of her training classes (met, not friends with!) who must live somewhat close to her, come by her house and give her ride to our office in Greenville on her way to work. The Bag Lady would then hang out (according to her, “lay around on their couch”) until our sweet nurse came by to pick her up and bring her to our office at lunch time. Our nurse would then take her back to the Greenville office and that girl would take her home. It sounds as crazy to write that as it does to hear her explain it!

Last week, the driving situation changed a bit. For whatever reason (actually, I’d love to know the reason), the girl that picked her up at home was not able to do so. We got a call mid-morning from our nurse to let us know that The Bag Lady would not be at work that day. You see, with the first portion of the trip cancelled, she wasn’t able to get a ride the 2^nd half of the way. A few minutes later, D got a call from The Bag Lady asking where the Greyhound stopped near our office. D explained that the bus does not come to our small town. The Bag Lady told D to look up their number in the phone book and call them to ask about it. (That’s another thing about her…she is kind of pushy/bossy with things that she wants you to do.) D again explained that calling them wouldn’t make a difference since the bus DOES NOT come anywhere near our office. 

This week, she was able to come to work, but only because she rented a car (a Nissan Cube) for a couple of days. I don’t know what the plan is for next week. I’ll let you know when it happens though!  

I’ll stop for now so this isn’t incredibly long. That’s a good intro. Stories about The Bag Lady will follow tomorrow…

Hobby Update

After this weekend, I thought I should add another Hobby to my list...canning.

As you may remember, last year was my first year of canning. Leigh Ann and I experimented with some stuff and somewhat taught ourselves how to do it. It turned out quite successful for the most part. 

Not having a garden this year plus our crazy life has slowed me down some this year, but this weekend I was able to jump back on the wagon. I canned several jars of pickled okra, corn, and mushrooms. I learned how to pickle okra last year, and it was good enough to give it another shot this year. I've never canned corn or mushrooms before, but thanks to my handy dandy Ball Blue Book Guide to Preserving that LA gave me for Christmas, I was able to figure out how.  

I'm hoping they turn out ok. That's the bad thing about canning...you can't really taste as you go. You just have to shove it in a jar and hope for the best when you open it later. 

I also put some squash and sweet potatoes in the freezer and cooked some collards. I must say that I am feeling pretty good about my weekend! I have some homemade salsa that I need to get in jars. I'm hoping to get that done at some point this week.